WHITE CHRISTMAS....

THIS HAS BEEN A GREAT CHRISTMAS.  MY GIRLS GOT EVERYTHING THEY WANTED AND THEY HAVE BEEN PLAYING HARD ALL DAY.  THIS CHRISTMAS HAS ALSO BEEN A VERY EMOTIONAL ONE FOR ME.  LASTNIGHT ONCE SANTA HAD EVERYTHING SET UP, I BROKE DOWN AND I DONT MEAN A LITTLE CRYING, I WAS SOBBING, COULDNT CATCH MY BREATH.  THANK GOD EVERYONE WAS ASLEEP.  I JUST NEEDED TO DO THAT B/C I WAS LOOKING AROUND AT ALL THEY HAD AND I WAS SO THANKFUL.  GREG AND I HAVE AN AMAZING FAMILY, IS ALL I CAN SAY.  THANK YOU VERY MUCH IF YOU ARE READING THIS.  GREG ASK ME THE OTHER DAY WOULD I TAKE BACK EVER BEING MARRIED TO HIM.  I SAID ABSOLUTELY NOT..  HE SAID MAYBE YOU WOULDNT BE IN THIS SITUATION IF YOU HADENT MET ME.  I STARTED TO CRY AGAIN AND I SAID, WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER AND WE WILL GET OUT OF IT TOGETHER.  I LOVE HIM AND MY GIRLS WITH EVERY BREATH I TAKE.. 

THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS ARE GOING TO BE HARD FOR ME, I HAVE A LOT OF DECISIONS TO MAKE ON OUR FAMILY.  I DONT KNOW IF I AM GOING LEFT OR RIGHT SOMETIMES, STRESS IS A WITCH WITH A CAPITAL W, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.  I GOT ANOTHER CALL ABOUT A JOB THE OTHER DAY, ROTATING DAYS, WORK LIKE 4 DAYS BE OFF 3 THEN BE OFF LIKE 4 AND WORK 3, BUT HOURS ARE 8 TO 7 DURING THE WEEK AND NOT SO SURE ABOUT WEEKEND.  WELL GUESS WHAT, I CAN'T DO THAT EITHER B/C IT ISNT PART TIME.  I BELIEVE GOD IS PLAYING A FUNNY JOKE ON ME.  NO I AM JUST KIDDING.  HE IS SENDING ME SIGNS THAT I NEED TO WORK, AND I KEEP TELLING HIM I CAN'T BECAUSE MY GIRLS ARE MY WORLD AND DAYCARE WANT WORK FOR US.  WHAT IS A FAMILY SUPPOSE TO DO..  I AM JUST SO READY TO SALE THE HOUSE, THE CAR, AND WHATEVER ELSE WE CAN AND START OVER.  WE ARE YOUNG, WE CAN BUY A HOUSE WHEN I CAN GO BACK TO WORK BUT THEN I THINK ABOUT APARTMENT LIVING AND THAT IS NOT A LIFE FOR MY GIRLS WHO ARE USE TO RUNNING AND PLAYING IN THERE YARD AND ALL IN THE STREET B/C OUR NEIGHBORS ARE GREAT AND THEY WATCH OUT FOR ALL THE KIDS.  I KNOW I CAN'T HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT TO.  SOMETIMES I WISH MY FAIRY GOD MOTHER WOULD GRANT ME 3 WISHES:

1. CURE FOR CYSTIC FIBROSIS
2.  FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO STAY AT HOME WITH MY GIRLS
3.  TO HAVE NO DEBT.  JUST WIPE IT OUT.  MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, BOY I CAN SAY GREG AND I HAVE LEARNED THAT LESSON.  ITS HARD TO NOT WANT TO BUY SOMETHING NICE WHEN ALL WE DO IS STAY AT HOME. 

I HAVE HAD TO PUT ON MY BIG GIRL PANTS AND DO A LOT OF PRAYING AND CRYING.  DONT FEEL SORRY FOR ME.  IT WAS FUNNY THE OTHER DAY I RAN INTO SOMEONE AT OLD NAVY B/C THE GIRLS NEEDED SOMETHING FOR THE CHRISTMAS PROGRAM, THEY ARE FRIENDS WITH ME ON FACEBOOK.  THEY LOOKED AT ME LIKE OMG, I KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HER.  REALLY WE ARE GOING TO BE FINE.  JUST A LOT OF WORRIES RIGHT NOW AND CONCERNS.  DOING EVERYTHING WE CAN TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT.  I AM STILL THE SAME PERSON, MAYBE JUST A LITTLE MORE CAUTIOUS... 

LORD, THANK YOU FOR THE WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS WE HAD AND FOR TAKING CARE OF US AND LETTING US GET THROUGH THIS WITH OUR GREAT FAMILY.  OH AND THANK YOU FOR THE WHITE CHRISTMAS.  AMAZING!!!!  EVERYONE LOVE YOUR LITTLE ONES TIGHT..  GOD THE NEXT FEW WEEKS, I NEED YOU TO SHOW ME THE WAY..  THE JOB CALLS, I UNDERSTAND THAT IS WHAT I NEED TO DO, BUT I CAN'T.  SO GOD CAN YOU SEND ME ANOTHER SIGN, ONE THAT WORKS FOR US RIGHT NOW.  I PROMISE WHEN I GET PNUT IN SCHOOL, WORKING IS WHAT I AM GOING TO DO.  MAYBE GREG CAN STAY HOME AND RELAX A LITTLE ONCE I DO GO BACK.  LORD YOU ARE AWESOME IN SO MANY WAYS.  YOU SHOW ME EVERYDAY.  CHURCH HAS BEEN CANCELLED FOR TOMORROW B/C THE SNOW, BUT I AM SURE GOING TO MISS IT.  IT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL GOOD. 

EVERYONE HAVE AN AMAZING CHRISTMAS!!! LOVE TO ALL OF YOU. 

MARTIE T.