WE FIGHT AND WE LOVE HARD!!!

I HAVE COME TO REALIZE IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS, WHAT MEANS THE MOST TO ME-----MY HUBBY, AND MY GIRLS.  I HAVE ALSO COME TO REALIZE THAT PEOPLE COME AND GO....  OUR GIRLS ARE DOING PRETTY GOOD.  TRINITY IS HAVING SOME ROUGH TIMES WITH SCHOOL, CRYING SPELLS, COUGHS.  WELCOME BACK SCHOOL YEAR!!! 

I HAVE SEEN WERE A LOT OF PEOPLE PUT CF SUCKS.  YES IT DOES, BUT REALLY LETS THINK ABOUT THIS-WHY WOULD YOU PUT THAT.  THIS IS SOMETHING MY TWO BABIES HAVE TO LIVE WITH EVERYDAY AND I WANT THEM TO THINK THAT THEY ARE AS NORMAL AS THEY CAN BE WITH A FEW EXCEPTIONS.  SO THINK BEFORE YOU PUT THAT.  DO YOU WANT YOUR KIDS TO READ THAT?  WHAT IF  THEY LOOK AT YOU AND SAY MOM, WHY DO YOU PUT THAT?  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? 

ALSO, HERE LATELY, GREG AND I HAVE HAD TO QUESTION OUR CLOSEST PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES.  DO THEY REALLY CARE ABOUT US OR WERE WE THERE TO BE A DOOR MAT FOR THEM TO RUN OVER US.  CAN I JUST SAY, WHEN I LOVE, OR WHEN I AM A FRIEND, I USUALLY DO THAT WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE IN ME.  THERE ARE TIMES I MAY NOT BE THERE AT EVERY FUNCTION, BUT IF YOU CALL ME, I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE I AM THERE FOR YOU.  SOMETIMES, I MAY SAY THINGS TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS, BUT KNOW WHEN I SAY THINGS, I AM DOING IT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.  DO I STILL LOVE YOU, YES I DO!!!  AM I TRYING TO GET PAST THE WAY I FEEL, YES I AM.  IT IS HARD. 

GREG AND I ARE ALSO TRYING TO DO THINGS TO MAKE SURE I CAN STAY AT HOME WITH OUR GIRLS FOR 2 MORE YEARS UNTIL PYPER STARTS SCHOOL.  GREG AND I HAVE PUT ALL OUR FAITH IN THE LORD, AND PRAYING HE WILL PROVIDE WHAT WE NEED TO KEEP ME HOME.  WE MAY NOT GO TO CHURCH EVERYDAY BUT DOES THAT MAKE ME A BAD PERSON.  NO IT DOESNT.  I BELIEVE WITH ALL MY HEART IN THE LORD GOD ALMIGHT.  HE HAS TAKEN CARE OF MY GIRLS.  I AM NOT GOING TO THROW IT IN YOUR FACE, BUT I DO BELIEVE. 

ALSO I AM VERY PROUD OF MY SISTER, WHO IS GOING TO COLLEGE TO GET HER TEACHING DEGREE. SHE IS DOING GREAT.  I KNOW THIS IS A BLOG FOR ME AND MY GIRLS, BUT I HAVE TO SAY THAT I AM SO PROUD OF HER.  NOT MUCH LONGER SHANNON.  KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.  I DON'T TALK TO MY BROTHER REALLY AT ALL.  I LOVE HIM, BUT WE JUST DON'T SPEAK.  HE IS BUILDING A HOUSE WITH HIS NEW WIFE AND I AM HAPPY FOR HIM.  I HAVE A CRAZY FAMILY, THEY DRIVE ME CRAZY FROM TIME TO TIME.  MY MOM, LORD BLESS HER. SHE IS A MANIAC.  SHE IS THE BEST MOM AND GRANDMA EVER, SHE WOULD WALK AWAY FROM EVERYTHING FOR HER KIDS.  THAT IS WHAT MAKES HER THE BEST.  SHE FEELS SHE IS NOT.  MY DAD AND STEP MOM ARE AMAZING TOO.  I ALWAYS REMEMBER GROWING UP AND BEING DADDYS GIRL.  WHEN I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH DIABETES, HE WAS SO UPSET. IT KILLED MY DADDY.  BUT DADDY LOOK AT ME NOW.  I AM A WONDERFUL MOTHER, TO TWO OF THE MOST AMAZING LITTLE GIRLS IN THE WORLD.  DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, I AM GOING TO BE FINE.  I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING HUSBAND IN THE WORLD.  HE HAS A GOOD FAMILY, WHO IF WE NEED THEM THEY ARE HERE TO.  MY HUBBY IS MY ROCK, IF I AM DOWN OR CRYING, HE IS RIGHT THERE TO PICK ME UP.  WE DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.  IF I COOK, HE CLEANS, I CLEAN THE INSIDE, HE TAKES THE OUTSIDE.  WE TAG TEAM EVERYTHING.  THANK YOU GG, FOR BEING THE MOST AMAZING MAN AND FATHER.  NO ONE REALIZES WHAT ALL HE HAS DONE FOR THIS FAMILY AND WHAT ALL HE HAS GIVEN UP FOR US.  I DO AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH FOR THAT AND FOR THE MAN HE IS.  AMAZING!!!!!!  ONE DAY I WILL HOPEFULLY BE ABLE TO REPAY YOU FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE FOR US.  MAYBE ONE DAY YOU CAN STAY AT HOME AND JUST RELAX WHILE BOTH GIRLS ARE IN SCHOOL. 

GETTING READY TO WATCH DANCING WITH THE STARS.  SO I AM GOING TO GO FOR NOW.  SORRY MY BLOG WAS ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY.  MY GIRLS ARE DOING GREAT AND THAT IS THE WAY IT IS GOING TO CONTINUE.  WE FIGHT AND WE LOVE HARD.  CF WILL STAND FOR CURE FOUND!!!!!

A CHANGE IS COMING

I AM HAVING ONE OF THOSE DAYS WERE I FEEL LIKE CRAP....  MY SINUSES ARE ACTING UP AND I JUST FEEL BAD.  MY GIRLS ARE DOING GREAT..  WE ARE IN 3RD GRADE NOW WITH MY OLDEST, AND GOD YOU HAVE TAKEN CARE OF HER SO MUCH AND I WANT YOU TO CONTINUE DOING THIS AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THANK YOU VERY MUCH.  I WISH I COULD TELL YOU FACE TO FACE BUT I CAN'T.. 

I AM SITTING HERE WATCHING TV WITH MY LITTLE ONE RIGHT BESIDE OF ME AND SHE IS MY LITTLE MONSTER.  SHE IS EVERYWHERE I GO, I TURN AND THERE SHE IS.  SOMETIMES IT DRIVES ME CRAZY, B/C I CAN'T EVEN GO TO THE BATHROOM WITHOUT HER.  BUT ONE OF THESE DAYS I AM GOING TO MISS THAT B/C ONE DAY SHE IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO BE SEEN WITH ME AND IF I THINK ABOUT THAT IT HURTS. 

NEXT WEEK IS THE START OF ME JUST BEING HOME WITH MY BABIES, I AM SO EXCITED AND SO SCARED ALL AT THE SAME TIME.  DID I MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION, DID I JUST HURT OUR FAMILY.  I AM READY FOR WHATEVER GOD HAS TO OFFER ME.  I WANT TO BE HERE FOR MY GIRLS.  I AM READY TO GO HAVE LUNCH WITH MY BABY, OR GO ON FIELD TRIPS.  I LOVE ALL MY BABIES I KEEP, BUT MOMMA NEEDS TO GET HERSELF BACK, AND GIVE MYSELF MORE TO MY GIRLS.  THEY NEED ME AND I NEED THEM.  ALSO I AM GOING TO TRY AND START TO GET MY BABIES OUT OF MY BED, MY OLDEST IS 8 AND MY YOUNGEST IS 3.  I AM HAVING CHEST PAIN JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.  IT IS TIME FOR ME AND GREG TO GET OUR BED BACK. 

EVERYONE SAY A PRAYER FOR THE TURNER'S BECAUSE OUR WORLDS ARE GETTING READY TO CHANGE.  WISH US LUCK B/C WE NEED IT AND SAY A LITTLE EXTRA PRAYER FOR MY HUBBY. HE IS THE STRONGEST AND BEST MAN EVER.  HE DOES SO MUCH FOR US AND I HOPE HE KNOWS HOW VERY MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME. 

I LOVE MY HUBBY AND MY GIRLS MORE THAN ANYTHING.  THEY ARE THE REASON I BREATHE!!!!

MARTIE

GOD, I HEAR YOU

DO YOU EVER WONDER IF YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION FOR YOUR FAMILY....  DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE HURT YOUR FAMILY...  THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS, I HAVE HAD TO MAKE THE DECISION TO STOP WATCHING KIDS THAT I WAS KEEPING.. NOW I FEEL LIKE I HAVE PUT SO MUCH MORE ON MY HUSBAND.. NOW HE HAS ALL THE BURDEN ON HIM.  I STRESS SO MUCH, I WORRY SO MUCH, AND I CAN'T IMAGINE NOT BEING ABLE TO GET MY KIDS SOMETHING IF THEY WANT IT.  I KNOW THAT SHOULDNT MATTER, BUT IT BOTHERS ME.  MY FAMILY KEEPS SAYING, MARTIE I KNOW HOW YOU ARE ABOUT YOUR GIRLS, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?  IF I NEW DO YOU THINK I WOULD BE SO WORRIED. 
SOMETIMES IN LIFE YOU HAVE TO SINK OR SWIM, YOU HAVE TO FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT.  GREG AND I BOTH FEEL I NEED TO BE HOME WITH OUR GIRLS.  WHAT IS WEIRD, IS DO YOU EVER WONDER IF GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND YOU ARE NOT LISTENING.  LAST YEAR WHEN I STAYED AT HOME, WE DECIDED TO PUT OUR HOUSE ON THE MARKET, THE VERY NEXT DAY, AN OLD DOCTOR I WORKED FOR CALLED ME AND ASK ME TO COME BACK TO WORK FOR HIM.  WAS THAT GOD TALKING TO ME......  SO I PUT IT IN GODS HANDS AND I WENT BACK TO WORK AND WE TOOK THE HOUSE OFF THE MARKET.  WHEN I STOPPED WORKING THIS TIME, I STARTED KEEPING A FRIEND OF OURS TWO LITTLE ONES, AND THE VERY FIRST DAY I KEPT THEM, I GOT A CALL ABOUT A JOB.  THIS TIME I DIDNT FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THAT SIGN FROM GOD BUT NOW I AM WONDERING IF GOD HAS BEEN TALKING TO ME ALL ALONG.  I FEEL SO MUCH IN MY HEART, THAT I NEED TO BE HOME WITH MY GIRLS..  THERE IS NO ONE THAT CAN TAKE CARE OF MY BABIES LIKE I CAN.  THEY EAT BETTER FOR ME, WE GET ALL OUR TREATMENTS AND VEST DONE. 
GOD, I WANT YOU TO KNOW IF YOU ARE TALKING TO ME, I HEAR YOU, I SEE THE SIGNS I AM GETTING, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT MY GIRLS NEED ME.  IF I THINK ABOUT GOING BACK TO WORK, I FEEL LIKE I COULD JUST DIE.  I AM A HARD WORKER, WHEN I WORKED I LOVED IT, BUT NOW THINGS ARE DIFFERENT, I HAVE MY BABIES TO WORRY ABOUT.  SO GOD, PLEASE DONT GIVE UP ON US, WE NEED YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW, BUT I HAVE TO DO WHAT I FEEL IS RIGHT AND THAT IS BEING WITH MY BABIES.  DEAR GOD, PLEASE WATCH OVER GREG, HE IS DOING EVERYTHING HE CAN TO TAKE CARE OF US AND GOD THE NUMBER ONE THING I NEED FROM YOU IS A CURE FOR CYSTIC FIBROSIS FOR MY GIRLS AND FOR ALL THE OTHERS OUT THERE FIGHTING THIS DISEASE.  THAT HAS AND WILL ALWAYS BE MY NUMBER ONE PRAYER. 

MY GIRLS ARE DOING GOOD, THEY ARE FIGHTING THIS FIGHT AND DOING A GREAT JOB KICKING ITS BUTT.  CYSTIC FIBROSIS YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WIN THIS..  THE TURNER'S ARE GOING TO WIN THIS BATTLE.  SO BACK OFF!!!

MARTIE

WHAT REALLY MATTERS!!!!!

DO YOU EVER WONDER ABOUT THE IMPORTANT STUFF?  WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT, WHAT MATTERS THE MOST TO YOU?  HERE LATELY, WE HAVE BEEN SO WORRIED ABOUT FINANCES AND HOW ARE WE GOING TO BE ABLE TO PAY THIS AND THAT.  MY HUSBAND IS DOING EVERYTHING BY HIMSELF.  I DONT WORK, SO I CAN STAY AT HOME WITH OUR KIDS AND TAKE CARE OF THEM.  I FEEL LIKE I AM LETTING HIM DOWN, B/C I DONT WORK.  HE JUST SAYS DONT WORRY, WORRYING MAKES THINGS WORSE AND IT DOESNT HELP.  I AM A WOMAN, A MOTHER AND A WIFE, AND I WORRY ALL THE TIME.  STRESS GETS THE BEST OF ME.  I WORRY ABOUT BEING ABLE TO KEEP GREAT CREDIT, AND DOES THAT EVEN MATTER THIS DAY AND TIME.  WHAT MATTERS THE MOST TO ME IS MY HUSBAND AND MY BABIES AND MAKING SURE THEY ARE TAKEN CARE OF. 

GREG AND I WERE TALKING TONIGHT AND I SAID GREG IF IT COMES DOWN TO FOOD FOR OUR KIDS OR A CREDIT CARD PAYMENT, YOU KNOW WHICH IS GOING TO WIN AND HE SAID I KNOW...  WE ARE TWO PARENTS, WITH TWO KIDS WITH CF, I AM A TYPE 1 DIABETIC, AND WHY DOES MY HUSBAND NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ALL THIS STUFF.  IF I THINK ABOUT IT, I GET MAD AND THEN I SAY TO MYSELF, GOD WOULDNT WANT YOU TO BE MAD.  THERE IS A REASON WE HAVE TO STRUGGLE, MAYBE IT IS MAKING US STRONGER, MAYBE IT IS BECAUSE WE MADE STUPID MISTAKES WITH OUR MONEY IN THE PAST.  GOD WE UNDERSTAND NOW... 

I REALIZE MORE THAN EVER NOW THAT THIS FAMILY, MY HUBBY, AND MY GIRLS ARE WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT TO ME.  DOES THIS OTHER STUFF EVEN MATTER.  THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS THAT IT DOES MATTER, BUT IT DOESNT EVEN RANK CLOSE TO THE 3 MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE TO ME.  THE TURNER'S ARE GOING TO BE FINE.  WE ARE GOING TO MAKE IT...  WE HAVE LOVE, WE HAVE EACH OTHER AND I KNOW THAT GOD IS WATCHING OVER US. 

DEAR GOD, I ASK PRETTY MUCH EVERYDAY FOR YOU TO TAKE CARE OF US AND TO CURE CYSTIC FIBROSIS.   PLEASE CONTINUE TO MAKE SURE WE ARE OK, AND THAT YOU GIVE THOSE THE WISDOM THEY NEED TO CURE THIS DISEASE. 

THE LOVE I HAVE FOR MY FAMILY IS SO REAL AND SO STRONG.   I WAS WITH MY DAD AND STEP MOM TODAY IN WALMART AND MY YOUNGEST PYPER SAW A TOY AND MADE THAT SOUND, THE ONE WERE YOU KNOW SHE IS SO EXCITED JUST TO SEE IT SITTING ON THE SHELF AND MY DAD SAID WOULDNT YOU LOVE TO FEEL THAT FEELING AGAIN AND I SAID I DO EVERYDAY. I GET TO SEE THE EXCITEMENT ON THERE FACE AND I LIVE IT THROUGH THEM.  I FEEL THERE JOY, JUST BY SEEING THERE FACE, AND THERE EXCITEMENT.  SO DADDY, I DO FEEL IT.  I HAVE FELT THAT JOY EVERYDAY NOW FOR ALMOST 9 YEARS B/C THAT IS WHEN I HAD MY FIRST DAUGHTER.  THAT JOY HAS NOT WENT AWAY AND IT NEVER WILL. 

MARTIE

ONE PROUD MOMMA

I AM SITTING HERE WATCHING TV WITH PYPER AND TRINS IS AT SCHOOL.  DO ANY OF YOU FEEL LOST WHEN YOUR CHILD IS NOT HOME, DO YOU MISS THEM SO MUCH, WELL I DO..  I KNOW WHEN SHE GETS HOME IT WILL BE FIGHTING, AND TRYING TO DO ALL OUR AFTERNOON STUFF DONE, BUT I WOULD RATHER DO THAT, THAN ANYTHING ELSE. 

THIS MORNING WHEN TAKING TRINS TO SCHOOL, I LOOKED AROUND THE CAR AND WAS SO PROUD OF MY GIRLS.  TRINS IS ALL SMILES B/C PYPER AND ME ARE DANCING ALL THE WAY TO SCHOOL, BUT ONCE WE GET IN THE SCHOOL PARKING LOT, THAT HAS TO STOP B/C SHE IS TO HIP FOR HER MOM TO DANCE.  I LOOKED IN THE BACKSEAT ONE TIME AND PYPER IS NOW IN A BIG GIRL CAR SEAT AND IT JUST MADE ME SMILE SO MUCH.  THE LOOKS ON THERE FACES, THE SMILES, WITH TEETH AND WITHOUT JUST LIGHTS UP MY DAY. 

BEFORE I HAD KIDS, I NEVER EVEN REALIZED WHAT LOVE WAS ALL ABOUT.  WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT, I WAS SO EXCITED.  I REMEMBER SAYING BEFORE TRINS GOT HERE THAT SHE WOULD NOT SLEEP IN MY BED, I WAS NOT GOING TO BREASTFEED, SHE WOULD GO TO DAYCARE.  BOY, LOOK AT ME NOW, IF SHE DOES FALL ASLEEP IN HER BED, MOST OF THE TIME, I GO AND MOVE HER INTO OUR BED.  I LOVE WAKING UP AND LOOKING OVER AND SEEING PYPER, TRINITY, THE DOG AND THEN MY HUBBY.  I DID ALL THE THINGS I SAID I NEVER WOULD AND I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT.  BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM IS A GIFT.  I WOULDNT CHANGE A THING.  YES MONEY IS TIGHT, AND THERE ARE TIMES WE DONT KNOW HOW WE ARE GOING TO MAKE IT BUT THIS IS MY LIFE AND I LOVE EVERY SECOND.  FAMILY ALWAYS SAYS TO US, YOU NEED TO SAVE, PUT MONEY AWAY FOR HARD TIMES, GET OUT OF DEBT AND YES WE AGREE, BUT WITH ONE INCOME WE CANT DO THAT.  ALL OUR MONEY TAKES CARE OF US..... 

CYSTIC FIBROSIS IS NOT GOING TO STOP US. THIS FAMILY OF 4 IS GOING TO KICK CF'S ASS....  MY BABIES ARE GOING TO GROW TO BE OLD, AND I AM PRAYING I AM AROUND TO WATCH EVERY SECOND OF IT...  I ALWAYS SAY, LOVE YOUR BABIES, BE THERE FOR THEM, WATCH THEM GROW AND SMILE.   DONT BE A DEADBEAT PARENT WHO DOESNT CARE.  GOD GAVE YOU THESE BABIES FOR A REASON AND I KNOW WHY HE GAVE ME MINE.  TRINITY AND PYPER, I LOVE YOU TWO SO MUCH IT HURTS AND I AM SO PROUD OF YOU TWO AND I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU THROUGH THICK AND THEN. 

ONE PROUD MOMMA,

MARTIE