Well I am officially 35 years old today. It hit me that the life expectancy of a cfer is 37. Celebrating just doesnt feel like celebrating when you think like that. I also thought about our life here and how much i love it. I have everything i need here and that is my husband and my two girls, the roof over our heads and food in the refrigerator. I got it all. How do you put a price on that. My husband keeps asking what do you want, what can i get you? What he doesn't realize is he has given me so much. He has given me him, our girls, his heart, and he has let me stay at home with them. He has given me all of that and he is asking me what i want. Maybe I need to ask him what he wants? Maybe not he is a guy. That might end up bad for me. lol
In a little over an hour, i will be going with my sister for her second mammogram. They found a spot on her left breast and they want to take a closer look at it. I feel in my heart that she is like me and we drink tons of caffeine. I feel it has something to do with that. I have been thinking about her a lot the last two days b/c i can tell she is stressed out.. God has this in his hands and whatever the outcome, he will take care of her. It makes you think about so much. I started thinking about my nephews, my sisters love for them, her scaredness when it comes to anything medical, blood or needles. It made me think about the comment she made the other day before we found out about her first mammogram. she said i want to walk in one of those walks. I told her 1 in 8 women have breast cancer and i named off 8 women. Why did we talk about that? what made us do that? When you are scared, you think about everything. I have so much worry in my own family but I am worried for her. I know god has this in his hands and I know everything will be fine. It is very scary. So everyone pray that today there is no lump or anything..
My babies are doing better. Thank you god for that. Picc line is out of trinity and she seems to be feeling 100 % better and pyper is doing great other than wheezing on occasion with her asthma. Keep us in your prayers that all the bacteria is gone from both my babies. We are homebound until March from school. Thank you god b/c the germs around gaston county are crazy right now. Stomach bugs, flu, virus, pneumonia, etc.etc.etc. I am glad to have mine home with me and keeping them away from as much as possible.
I thank everyone for all my birthday wishes I have received. It makes me feel loved in so many ways. A birthday to me is just another day.. After 21 you seem to not want to have anymore. 35 years old. omg, 5 more years until the big 40. I pray I feel about it like I have the last 14, another day. lol.
Old, and grey hair but still can run circles around all the 20 year olds out there. lol
Martie "35" Turner
ME AND MY GIRLS
THE LOVES OF MY LIFE
Friday, November 16, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Genetically challenged on so many levels....
Have you ever felt so alone? I not only feel alone, I feel lost. I feel lost for my girls, alone in our battles and scared out of our minds for our future. We are now being told that our daughters who battle cystic fibrosis may have celiacs disease. My Pyper has cf, ? celiacs, type 1 diabetes and asthma and Trinity has cf, feeding tube, ? Celiacs disease. It is just not fair. My girls are so happy, so loving, so full of life and their life should be about living and having fun and playing. My girls don't get to do that. We eat at chic fil a today and we eat outside b/c girls have a nasty cough. Other kids were playing on the slide and toys and I had to keep saying no to them b/c germs and germs, and more germs. This sucks so bad. My babies deserve to be normal. They deserve to have fun... They deserve to play like all the other kids get to.
Today at the doctor, the doctor put them both on augmentin extra strength, septra, prednisone, and xopenex b/c their coughs are so bad and because the wheezing. They are to be out of school until next wednesday. We have only been in school for a little over a month and they have already missed their limit on absences. This sucks so bad. They want to go to school so bad. They want to be normal, they want to have fun. They just want to be kids. WHY, WHY, WHY??????????
Someone tell me why our babies deserve this. I know god only gives his special babies to people who can handle it. I get it b/c I know I can handle it. I lost it today. I laughed, I cried, I just wanted to scream but couldnt because our girls were in the car with us. We went to a grocery store today that has a lot of gluten free stuff and I wanted to run. Run and hide because i am so lost. I don't even know were to begin. I don't want this for them. This is not right. It is suppose to be me. It is suppose to be me who has all this. Not my babies. Tell me how we are suppose to make it on one income and live. My poor husband never looks mad, he never looks lost, he never looks scared for us. He stays strong for us. I was looking at prices for gluten free stuff. OMG is all I can say. We already spend over 200 dollars a week on regular groceries, and now possible this. WOW!!!!! Whatever I need to sale. Then we will do it.
I talked with greg today about possible home schooling the girls. The longer I can keep them healthy, the longer my girls can live and dream and see the future, the future with a cure... My mother in law told my husband no to home schooling, but I need to start looking into working from home. OK, do people not think i have done that. Yes I need to work but I can't. I need to take care of my girls. I need to make sure they have stabililty in their lives, and they have someone here who will fight for them and love on them and make them better. That is me.... Nobody else can do what I do. No one else knows how to do it but my husband who has to work and my trins. She is my wingman. She is my support system.
We don't need peoples opinions. We need you to listen and keep your mouth shut. Nobody walks in our shoes, no one knows how we feel, no one knows what it feels like to worry about losing your kids... well some people do but not a lot. We want the best for them. We want to watch them grow... I say that everytime in my blogs but I want to see my babies turn into adults. I WANT THAT!!!!!!
I was talking to Pyper today about one day when they cure diabetes, me and her are going to go to krispy kreme and eat dounuts all day. She said a cure mommy. My babies don't wish for toys, they wish to be cured.. They want to live... I am just so sad. So heartbroken. This is not fair.... I just want my babies healthy and cured... In my life time, I want to see a cure... A cure for Cystic Fibrosis, Diabetes, and celiacs disease... What do you wish for.. A car, a house, a new outfit. Get your priorities straight people, b/c your life can change at the drop of a hat.. My wish is for my babies to out live me. If there is something in me that will cure my babies, take me.. Take me right now and give it to them.
Genetically challenged,
Martie
Today at the doctor, the doctor put them both on augmentin extra strength, septra, prednisone, and xopenex b/c their coughs are so bad and because the wheezing. They are to be out of school until next wednesday. We have only been in school for a little over a month and they have already missed their limit on absences. This sucks so bad. They want to go to school so bad. They want to be normal, they want to have fun. They just want to be kids. WHY, WHY, WHY??????????
Someone tell me why our babies deserve this. I know god only gives his special babies to people who can handle it. I get it b/c I know I can handle it. I lost it today. I laughed, I cried, I just wanted to scream but couldnt because our girls were in the car with us. We went to a grocery store today that has a lot of gluten free stuff and I wanted to run. Run and hide because i am so lost. I don't even know were to begin. I don't want this for them. This is not right. It is suppose to be me. It is suppose to be me who has all this. Not my babies. Tell me how we are suppose to make it on one income and live. My poor husband never looks mad, he never looks lost, he never looks scared for us. He stays strong for us. I was looking at prices for gluten free stuff. OMG is all I can say. We already spend over 200 dollars a week on regular groceries, and now possible this. WOW!!!!! Whatever I need to sale. Then we will do it.
I talked with greg today about possible home schooling the girls. The longer I can keep them healthy, the longer my girls can live and dream and see the future, the future with a cure... My mother in law told my husband no to home schooling, but I need to start looking into working from home. OK, do people not think i have done that. Yes I need to work but I can't. I need to take care of my girls. I need to make sure they have stabililty in their lives, and they have someone here who will fight for them and love on them and make them better. That is me.... Nobody else can do what I do. No one else knows how to do it but my husband who has to work and my trins. She is my wingman. She is my support system.
We don't need peoples opinions. We need you to listen and keep your mouth shut. Nobody walks in our shoes, no one knows how we feel, no one knows what it feels like to worry about losing your kids... well some people do but not a lot. We want the best for them. We want to watch them grow... I say that everytime in my blogs but I want to see my babies turn into adults. I WANT THAT!!!!!!
I was talking to Pyper today about one day when they cure diabetes, me and her are going to go to krispy kreme and eat dounuts all day. She said a cure mommy. My babies don't wish for toys, they wish to be cured.. They want to live... I am just so sad. So heartbroken. This is not fair.... I just want my babies healthy and cured... In my life time, I want to see a cure... A cure for Cystic Fibrosis, Diabetes, and celiacs disease... What do you wish for.. A car, a house, a new outfit. Get your priorities straight people, b/c your life can change at the drop of a hat.. My wish is for my babies to out live me. If there is something in me that will cure my babies, take me.. Take me right now and give it to them.
Genetically challenged,
Martie
Monday, September 17, 2012
I AM MAD
The last week or two has been a bit crazy for us. I left my job that I started about a month or two ago because i was getting calls a bunch for Pyper and her diabetes and then they both got sick with coughs. I think Pypers was her asthma flaring up.
Pyper's blood sugars have been going crazy so I took her to the doctor last week and he did a bunch of blood work. I got a call this last week that her blood work was good except one test. Her celiac disease test came back borderline positive. I was sitting in the car by myself b/c my husband had walked in a store. I was kinda speechless with the doctor. The last time he gave me bad news when Pyper was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, i lost it. He kept saying now mom I don't want you to hurt yourself. I wasn't going to hurt myself, I was a mom, devastated with her daughters new diagnosis. He stayed on the phone with me. He kept talking. I think he was waiting to see if I was going to lose it again. The thought crossed my mind. I think I was in shock. My baby has Cystic Fibrosis, Type 1 diabetes, and Asthma and now possible celiacs disease. WHY!!!!!!
This is something I have never said to anyone i don't think, but I am mad.. I am not questioning god for giving me these babies, because I know I am going to fight for them. God better get ready b/c this mom will win. I am mad because why us, why me, why greg, why trinity... WHY, WHY, WHY!!!!! My babies are our world. We live, eat, and breathe our girls. Why do they have to suffer?
I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I did everything right when I got pregnant. I loved feeling them move inside me, I loved watching my belly go crazy, I loved putting my belly up against gregs back and letting Trinity kick him b/c she stayed up at night and slept during the day.. Boy did she ever, when she came out. lol. Pyper was a mover though. She kicked a lot more than her sissy. They always say god gives his special babies to special people. I agree 100%... I look at some people and say to myself, i know they couldn't do what I do.
I wonder why god thinks I am so special? God forgive me for asking but I think a lot about if god thinks I will be strong enough to face death??? God I can tell you now: NO, NO, NO!!!! I had a friend ask me the other week at work; Martie have you ever thought about your future with your girls and what you will do, if something happens. We cried together b/c I actually told her, I think I would take my own life if I lost one of my girls. I know I would go to HELL but I think I would already be in hell if I lost one of them. Call me selfish for saying that but I don't think I would survive. I am mad because I have to think about that or mad because I get ask that.. Yes we all are placed on this planet for a certain time, and yes I know god has my time planned out and he has my girls plan mapped out but I am mad.
God, I am mad at you.. Mad that my babies are the chosen ones, mad that I am the chosen one. I am just mad. I am hard.. I am mean.. I don't have time for friends, or fun, and I definelty don't have time for bullshit in my life. Im mad that people think I am mean. Mad that people think it is ok to hurt me, when I know I am a good friend. I am just mad... GOD, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR SAYING THAT... I want let you down with my girls but I have to get that off my chest whether in prayer or typing it out. I got this.. Man, do I have this. I will fight so hard for my babies. Whether it be making gluten free food if that is what the future holds for us. I pray no but if god wants me to fight more than i will do it. I am beginning to laugh a little b/c god knows i never thought of myself as a cook. Boy, I really might be eating those words...
As I end this, I want to say something that made me type this. Yesterday at my moms church, her preacher got up and said, I see a lot. I can see certain things in here that you can't see. The look on my face was omg, he can read my face, he can see my pain, he can see that I am mad... Then it made me think. Can everybody see my hurt, my pain behind my smile and big puppy dog eyes? Can everyone see my fear of losing my babies? Can you see it?
I hide it well or atleast I try to but god I am mad. I'm sorry I feel this way.. I want to see my babies grow old, I want to have 2 huge weddings and party with my babies and me and greg get even broker having 2 princess weddings, I want to pay for college educations, I want to buy cars, I want to get that call that mom I am in labor... Yes I want all of those things. GOD, i know our plans are already mapped out in heaven, but please know that I am weak but strong. I will fight until the day I die for my girls and then when I get to heaven, I will fight you then to cure them and all the others fighting these terrible diseases.
a mad mom,
martie
mother of two fighters (trins and pnut) and a wife of an amazing man (gg).....
Pyper's blood sugars have been going crazy so I took her to the doctor last week and he did a bunch of blood work. I got a call this last week that her blood work was good except one test. Her celiac disease test came back borderline positive. I was sitting in the car by myself b/c my husband had walked in a store. I was kinda speechless with the doctor. The last time he gave me bad news when Pyper was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, i lost it. He kept saying now mom I don't want you to hurt yourself. I wasn't going to hurt myself, I was a mom, devastated with her daughters new diagnosis. He stayed on the phone with me. He kept talking. I think he was waiting to see if I was going to lose it again. The thought crossed my mind. I think I was in shock. My baby has Cystic Fibrosis, Type 1 diabetes, and Asthma and now possible celiacs disease. WHY!!!!!!
This is something I have never said to anyone i don't think, but I am mad.. I am not questioning god for giving me these babies, because I know I am going to fight for them. God better get ready b/c this mom will win. I am mad because why us, why me, why greg, why trinity... WHY, WHY, WHY!!!!! My babies are our world. We live, eat, and breathe our girls. Why do they have to suffer?
I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I did everything right when I got pregnant. I loved feeling them move inside me, I loved watching my belly go crazy, I loved putting my belly up against gregs back and letting Trinity kick him b/c she stayed up at night and slept during the day.. Boy did she ever, when she came out. lol. Pyper was a mover though. She kicked a lot more than her sissy. They always say god gives his special babies to special people. I agree 100%... I look at some people and say to myself, i know they couldn't do what I do.
I wonder why god thinks I am so special? God forgive me for asking but I think a lot about if god thinks I will be strong enough to face death??? God I can tell you now: NO, NO, NO!!!! I had a friend ask me the other week at work; Martie have you ever thought about your future with your girls and what you will do, if something happens. We cried together b/c I actually told her, I think I would take my own life if I lost one of my girls. I know I would go to HELL but I think I would already be in hell if I lost one of them. Call me selfish for saying that but I don't think I would survive. I am mad because I have to think about that or mad because I get ask that.. Yes we all are placed on this planet for a certain time, and yes I know god has my time planned out and he has my girls plan mapped out but I am mad.
God, I am mad at you.. Mad that my babies are the chosen ones, mad that I am the chosen one. I am just mad. I am hard.. I am mean.. I don't have time for friends, or fun, and I definelty don't have time for bullshit in my life. Im mad that people think I am mean. Mad that people think it is ok to hurt me, when I know I am a good friend. I am just mad... GOD, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR SAYING THAT... I want let you down with my girls but I have to get that off my chest whether in prayer or typing it out. I got this.. Man, do I have this. I will fight so hard for my babies. Whether it be making gluten free food if that is what the future holds for us. I pray no but if god wants me to fight more than i will do it. I am beginning to laugh a little b/c god knows i never thought of myself as a cook. Boy, I really might be eating those words...
As I end this, I want to say something that made me type this. Yesterday at my moms church, her preacher got up and said, I see a lot. I can see certain things in here that you can't see. The look on my face was omg, he can read my face, he can see my pain, he can see that I am mad... Then it made me think. Can everybody see my hurt, my pain behind my smile and big puppy dog eyes? Can everyone see my fear of losing my babies? Can you see it?
I hide it well or atleast I try to but god I am mad. I'm sorry I feel this way.. I want to see my babies grow old, I want to have 2 huge weddings and party with my babies and me and greg get even broker having 2 princess weddings, I want to pay for college educations, I want to buy cars, I want to get that call that mom I am in labor... Yes I want all of those things. GOD, i know our plans are already mapped out in heaven, but please know that I am weak but strong. I will fight until the day I die for my girls and then when I get to heaven, I will fight you then to cure them and all the others fighting these terrible diseases.
a mad mom,
martie
mother of two fighters (trins and pnut) and a wife of an amazing man (gg).....
Sunday, July 15, 2012
All I know how to be is a mom and a wife...
All my love, all my heart, all my life I waited to be a mom. Being a mom is my greatest gift.. I will join all the other moms who work tomorrow and start back into the workforce. I have been home almost 5 years and this is the hardest thing for me to do. I need to work for our family, I need to work to have double coverage for our girls on insurance, I need to work to help us out financially but the thoughts of someone else taking care of my girls: KILLS ME!!!! I know its my mother in law and I know she will take care of my babies but it isnt me. I have taken care of my babies and gave it my all. My heart is absolutely broken because I feel like I am letting them down. I just told my husband, our babies both have cf and they both have done great. No daycare, no over exposure to germs, no nothing and now I am getting ready to hand over control to someone else and also my youngest one starts school in August. I will now have to worry about two of them in school. I just told Greg, I am losing control. As I type this tears are streaming down my face. I feel like I need a shot of something. My girls are playing and yesterday when I broke down: they both looked at me and said mom we are going to be fine and then Pyper said mom are you going to be ok. They are worried about me and I am dying with worry for them. My heart and soul has been them for 5 years. I have been home almost everyday for 5 years. I worked some but not a lot. I have gave it my all. I have gave my heart, soul, myself to make sure they are taken care of.
Everybody is like this is going to be good for you. I agree completely but I am not one of these moms who looks at my children as let someone else do the work while i work. I am not saying that mean but I am a hands on mom. The day we got my first daugthers diagnoses: I changed. I didn't care what anyone thought of me, I didn't care if i pissed you off, I didnt care if I hurt your feelings b/c all my love, and care was my babies. Is that mean, yeah it probably is but I changed that day in CMC hospital. I turned into a strong, fighting, germ crazed maniac for my girls. I will not lose my girls to CF, and I will fight until the day I die for them. I was given my girls b/c I am strong, and because god saw something in me. He saw the fight I have, he saw the love I have, he saw me when I was in highschool thinking about the type of mother I would be. I wanted kids from the day I met my husband. I wanted babies. God made me special as well. Two uterus, a follopian tube not attached to anything, type 1 diabetes and I had two beautiful babies. Medically, I probably shouldnt have ever had kids but God saw different. He wanted me to be these girls mother. It took along time for me to see, my gift. My girls are gods gift to me. Thank you god so much for making me the mom I am. For making me a strong ass kicking mother who will do anything for my babies.
I got this. I pray I do. God give me the strength I need to go into this job and kick ass like I always have. I can work, and take care of my babies and my husband as I always have. I just have to be willing to let someone else help me do this and that kills me. God show me the way. Keep our family safe and keep doing what you have done for us. Thank you god for this job you have given me as a mother and now a clinical assistant and a wife. I got this. I want let you down. I promise. show me the way.
Trinity and Pyper and Greg: I love you three so much.. You three are my world. I will always be here for you... I only know how to be a mother and a wife. Now I need to put back on my working face and do all three: mom, wife and worker. I LOVE YOU THREE SO MUCH!!!!!!!! Now its time to put on my game face. My strong face and kick ass. I always show everyone my strong face. What a lot of people don't see with me is my broken heart.. I never show it. My mom I think is the only one who has really seen me break down and that wasnt bad. When Pyper was diagnosed with diabetes: I felt like i was on a cliff and about to jump. Not because I was mad but b/c I gave my baby something else to have to fight. Not just CF but now diabetes and trinity a feeding tube. I didnt jump off that cliff. I got mad, screamed at my mom and came back ready to fight. Sorry mom for my meltdown. That melt down, i think made me even stronger than before.
Ok, so its time to clean house to keep me busy. If I dont I will cry all day..
If you think i am not nice or non social, then you are wrong. I am a mom with a heart for her girls and husband. I don't have time for anything else in my life. I am me. I am a wonderful person inside and out. I am a strong woman, and I got this. Now its time to stop crying and do the damn thing.
All my love,
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Trins and Pypers mom (Martie)
Everybody is like this is going to be good for you. I agree completely but I am not one of these moms who looks at my children as let someone else do the work while i work. I am not saying that mean but I am a hands on mom. The day we got my first daugthers diagnoses: I changed. I didn't care what anyone thought of me, I didn't care if i pissed you off, I didnt care if I hurt your feelings b/c all my love, and care was my babies. Is that mean, yeah it probably is but I changed that day in CMC hospital. I turned into a strong, fighting, germ crazed maniac for my girls. I will not lose my girls to CF, and I will fight until the day I die for them. I was given my girls b/c I am strong, and because god saw something in me. He saw the fight I have, he saw the love I have, he saw me when I was in highschool thinking about the type of mother I would be. I wanted kids from the day I met my husband. I wanted babies. God made me special as well. Two uterus, a follopian tube not attached to anything, type 1 diabetes and I had two beautiful babies. Medically, I probably shouldnt have ever had kids but God saw different. He wanted me to be these girls mother. It took along time for me to see, my gift. My girls are gods gift to me. Thank you god so much for making me the mom I am. For making me a strong ass kicking mother who will do anything for my babies.
I got this. I pray I do. God give me the strength I need to go into this job and kick ass like I always have. I can work, and take care of my babies and my husband as I always have. I just have to be willing to let someone else help me do this and that kills me. God show me the way. Keep our family safe and keep doing what you have done for us. Thank you god for this job you have given me as a mother and now a clinical assistant and a wife. I got this. I want let you down. I promise. show me the way.
Trinity and Pyper and Greg: I love you three so much.. You three are my world. I will always be here for you... I only know how to be a mother and a wife. Now I need to put back on my working face and do all three: mom, wife and worker. I LOVE YOU THREE SO MUCH!!!!!!!! Now its time to put on my game face. My strong face and kick ass. I always show everyone my strong face. What a lot of people don't see with me is my broken heart.. I never show it. My mom I think is the only one who has really seen me break down and that wasnt bad. When Pyper was diagnosed with diabetes: I felt like i was on a cliff and about to jump. Not because I was mad but b/c I gave my baby something else to have to fight. Not just CF but now diabetes and trinity a feeding tube. I didnt jump off that cliff. I got mad, screamed at my mom and came back ready to fight. Sorry mom for my meltdown. That melt down, i think made me even stronger than before.
Ok, so its time to clean house to keep me busy. If I dont I will cry all day..
If you think i am not nice or non social, then you are wrong. I am a mom with a heart for her girls and husband. I don't have time for anything else in my life. I am me. I am a wonderful person inside and out. I am a strong woman, and I got this. Now its time to stop crying and do the damn thing.
All my love,
Monday, May 14, 2012
I have finally realized that god had a plan for me
Over the last week with doing a newspaper article for mothers day and for my girls, and going to church and the preacher preaching on marriage, has made me realize I am exactly were god wants me. I know a lot of people question what gods plan is for them and I do not.
I told my husband yesterday, Think about something: I had two uterus and when a women has that, it is very hard to get pregnant and it is hard to carry a baby with that. The chances of having two uterus are 1 in a million. Lucky me.. lol. Well, i got pregnant not once, but twice with no problems. I also have type 1 diabetes which makes it hard to carry a baby to full term b/c the chances of a baby dying. I didnt carry my girls full term but they were close. After having both my girls and then having a hysterectomy, the doctor told me that one of my fallopian tubes wasnt attached to anything. It was just there. Unbelievably. I remember sitting in his office after my hysterectomy for a follow up and I looked at him and said, so what you are telling me is I probably shouldn't have been able to have kids or even get pregnant. He said, well miracles happen and that you are. Your girls are your miracles. At that time, I didn't take that comment to heart. I just smiled b/c I beat the odds. As our lives have went on and me being home with our girls and taking care of them with their Cystic Fibrosis, I have thought a lot about what was gods plan.
Can, I just say: Dont ever question him. If I think about what problems I had with my body and my girls health problems, I shouldn't be a mom. I shouldn't be a stay at home mom. God's plan was right on the money b/c he knew I would do whatever had to be done for my girls. God placed the right man in my path, and we together made two amazing little girls. Medically they probably shouldn't be here but god had other plans. I know now more than anything in my life that I am suppose to be the mother I am, I am suppose to have two little girls who are such fighters and fight Cystic Fibrosis so hard, I am suppose to be the wife of an amazing man. God's plan is amazing. Sometimes you don't see it at first and you ask why god, why my girls, why us. Boy, that was the wrong question to ask. Now if i could see god, I would tell him: thank u god, thank u god for my two miracles, thank u for placing them in my life and for making me their mommy. Thank u for trusting me and my husband to do the right things when it came to them. Thank u.. A lot of people probably think, why are you thanking him for your girls being sick. I will tell you why b/c whatever time I have with them and whatever time they have with me, is a blessing. God made me a damn good mother and a fighter for my girls. He made me love with everything I have in me, and I do everyday.
Don't take for granted what you have in front of you b/c your life could change at the drop of a hat. The road we have traveled has been a hard one but I wouldn't change it with anyone for anything. My road is the road god wanted me to travel. I know I let him down everyday but I try my hardest to do what is right. I fail miserably sometimes and I pass greatly sometimes. I just pray he stays with me and keeps showing me his plan. My plan has been the greatest gift I have ever seen. I can't wait to see what else is in store for our little family.
I love my husband and my girls to the moon and back. Think about your life for one second. Think about things you thought you wanted to happen and didn't. Maybe if you sit down and really ponder it, you will see gods grace in it all. God sure did the right thing when he placed an amazing man in my path, and two beautiful little girls in my belly. He gave me the best gift possible. That gift is love. I am the lucky one. A lot may say oh poor martie and her family. Don't say that.. I am the lucky one, I HAVE IT ALL!!!! Thank you god for my husband, my two miracles, your love and the road you have sent me down. This road has been amazing and i would do it over and over again. Thank you so much. I am the lucky one...
A mothers love,
Martie
I told my husband yesterday, Think about something: I had two uterus and when a women has that, it is very hard to get pregnant and it is hard to carry a baby with that. The chances of having two uterus are 1 in a million. Lucky me.. lol. Well, i got pregnant not once, but twice with no problems. I also have type 1 diabetes which makes it hard to carry a baby to full term b/c the chances of a baby dying. I didnt carry my girls full term but they were close. After having both my girls and then having a hysterectomy, the doctor told me that one of my fallopian tubes wasnt attached to anything. It was just there. Unbelievably. I remember sitting in his office after my hysterectomy for a follow up and I looked at him and said, so what you are telling me is I probably shouldn't have been able to have kids or even get pregnant. He said, well miracles happen and that you are. Your girls are your miracles. At that time, I didn't take that comment to heart. I just smiled b/c I beat the odds. As our lives have went on and me being home with our girls and taking care of them with their Cystic Fibrosis, I have thought a lot about what was gods plan.
Can, I just say: Dont ever question him. If I think about what problems I had with my body and my girls health problems, I shouldn't be a mom. I shouldn't be a stay at home mom. God's plan was right on the money b/c he knew I would do whatever had to be done for my girls. God placed the right man in my path, and we together made two amazing little girls. Medically they probably shouldn't be here but god had other plans. I know now more than anything in my life that I am suppose to be the mother I am, I am suppose to have two little girls who are such fighters and fight Cystic Fibrosis so hard, I am suppose to be the wife of an amazing man. God's plan is amazing. Sometimes you don't see it at first and you ask why god, why my girls, why us. Boy, that was the wrong question to ask. Now if i could see god, I would tell him: thank u god, thank u god for my two miracles, thank u for placing them in my life and for making me their mommy. Thank u for trusting me and my husband to do the right things when it came to them. Thank u.. A lot of people probably think, why are you thanking him for your girls being sick. I will tell you why b/c whatever time I have with them and whatever time they have with me, is a blessing. God made me a damn good mother and a fighter for my girls. He made me love with everything I have in me, and I do everyday.
Don't take for granted what you have in front of you b/c your life could change at the drop of a hat. The road we have traveled has been a hard one but I wouldn't change it with anyone for anything. My road is the road god wanted me to travel. I know I let him down everyday but I try my hardest to do what is right. I fail miserably sometimes and I pass greatly sometimes. I just pray he stays with me and keeps showing me his plan. My plan has been the greatest gift I have ever seen. I can't wait to see what else is in store for our little family.
I love my husband and my girls to the moon and back. Think about your life for one second. Think about things you thought you wanted to happen and didn't. Maybe if you sit down and really ponder it, you will see gods grace in it all. God sure did the right thing when he placed an amazing man in my path, and two beautiful little girls in my belly. He gave me the best gift possible. That gift is love. I am the lucky one. A lot may say oh poor martie and her family. Don't say that.. I am the lucky one, I HAVE IT ALL!!!! Thank you god for my husband, my two miracles, your love and the road you have sent me down. This road has been amazing and i would do it over and over again. Thank you so much. I am the lucky one...
A mothers love,
Martie
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