OK JUST HERE TO VENT TODAY. I WAS TOLD I AM INSENSITIVE. I AM NOT, I HAVE A LOT ON MY PLATE AND FORGIVE ME IF I DONT WANT TO HAVE A PITY PARTY B/C A 17 YEAR OLD GIRL IS PREGNANT AND THE BABY DADDY IS A CONVICTED FELON, AND SHE IS GETTING A FREE PREGNANCY THROUGH MEDICAID AND WIC AND GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT ELSE. DONT TAKE IT THAT I DONT THINK SHE DESERVES IT, BUT I JUST GET SO ILL B/C I KNOW WHAT MY HUSBAND IS DOING TO MAKE IT FOR US. MY MOTHER AND I ARE ABOUT TO RIP EACH OTHERS HEADS OFF TODAY. I KNOW YOU SHOULD RESPECT YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER AND I DO, BUT B/C I TOLD MY MOM WHAT I THINK ABOUT THE SITUATION, I DON'T APPRECIATE ALL SHE DOES FOR US AND NOW I TALK ABOUT HER LIKE SHE IS A DOG. LETS GET ONE THING STRAIGHT, I LOVE MY MOTHER, AND I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL SHE DOES. SHE JUST CALLED MY HUSBAND AND SAID SHE IS SO SICK OF ME AND MY SISTER TALKING ABOUT HER. WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT.. WE DONT TALK ABOUT HER. WE WORRY ABOUT HER, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.
I HAVE SO MUCH GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, IF I NEED TO FLIP OR JUST VENT, WHY CAN'T U LISTEN.
ANOTHER THING, I FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES THAT PEOPLE THINK MY KIDS ARE CIRCUS FREAKS. OUT IN PUBLIC IF THEY ARE EATING, LETS SCREAM IT ACROSS THE PLACE WE ARE AT, DONT THEY NEED THERE MEDICINE, DONT THEY NEED ENZYMES, DONT THEY NEED THIS, AND WHEN SOMEONE LOOKS, OH THEY HAVE CYSTIC FIBROSIS. THAT PERSON DOESNT NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY CHILDS LIFE. I GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL. I AM A GREAT MOTHER AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR MY KIDS. MAYBE I JUST NEED TO BLOW UP AND THEN MAYBE PEOPLE WILL SEE WHAT IS ALL GOING ON IN OUR LIVES.
I AM SORRY TO SOUND LIKE AN UNSENSITIVE BITCH, BUT I AM NOT. I AM A VERY SENSITIVE PERSON, BUT JUST LISTEN TO ME. UNDERSTAND WERE I AM COMING FROM. I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY IN MY LIFE. I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR WHAT PEOPLE DO FOR US, MORE THAN THEY PROBABLY KNOW.
JUST LISTEN... THAT IS IT. DONT THINK I NEED HELP B/C FOR ONCE IN 9 YEARS OF BEING A MOTHER, I HAVE FINALLY LOST IT AND FLIPPED. YESTERDAY, WITH MY DAD AND DEANN, WE TALKED AND LAUGHED AND JUST HAD A GOOD CONVERSATION. WHY CANT MY MOM DO THAT. JUST LISTEN, JUST WORRY ABOUT US, AND JUST KEEP BEING A GRANDMOTHER TO MY BABIES. THAT IS ALL I WANT. UNDERSTAND WHEN WE SAY STUFF, WE LOVE YOU AND WORRY ABOUT YOU.
SORRY TO VENT
MARTIE
ME AND MY GIRLS
THE LOVES OF MY LIFE
Monday, May 23, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
YOU COMPLETE ME
THE LAST WEEK HAS BEEN A ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS. FIRST TRINS ASK ME IF SHE IS GOING TO DIE EARLY, AND THEN PYPER'S BLOOD SUGAR YESTERDAY WAS 472 ON HER BLOOD WORK. MY BABIES DON'T DESERVE ANY OF THIS. A CHILD SHOULD BE ABLE TO LIVE, RUN, PLAY AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING. THE PARENTS ARE SUPPOSE TO BE THE ONES WHO HAVE PROBLEMS, NOT MY BABIES.
GOD, WE NEED TO TALK AGAIN. I KNOW YOU WANTED ME TO BE THESE GIRLS MOTHER. GOD, MY GIRLS ARE MY WORLD. THEY ARE THE LOVES OF MY LIFE. GOD, THEY SAY YOU DON'T GIVE ANYONE MORE THAN THEY CAN HANDLE. I CAN HANDLE A LOT. GIVE ME THE PROBLEMS, GIVE ME THE PNEUMONIA, THE BLOOD SUGAR OF 472, THE WORRIES, THE ENZYMES, ETC.ETC.ETC. I CAN DO IT. I KNOW MY TWO GIRLS ARE TOUGHER THAN NAILS. THESE TWO BABIES OF MINE ARE FIGHTERS. THEY GET IT HONEST B/C I AM THAT WAY. GOD, I NEED YOU. MY GIRLS NEED YOU, MY HUBBY NEEDS YOU.. WATCH OVER THIS FAMILY AND GOD MORE THAN ANYTHING, PLEASE GIVE THOSE THE WISDOM THEY NEED TO CURE THIS DISEASE--CF.....
HOW MANY OF YOU CAN SAY YOU HAVE AN UNBELIEVABLE HUSBAND. WE MAY ARGUE, FIGHT, SCREAM AT EACH OTHER FROM TIME TO TIME. I WATCHED MY HUBBY YESTERDAY AFTER THE DOCTOR CALLED ABOUT PYPER'S BLOOD SUGAR, PUT HIS HANDS OVER HIS FACE, AND I KNOW HE WAS PRAYING. WHEN I CHECKED HER SUGAR AT THAT TIME, IT WAS 262. HE GOT UP WALKED OUTSIDE AND TRINITY SAID HE LAYED ON THE PORCH AND CRIED. A GROWN MAN CRYING OVER HIS GIRLS. THAT MAN IS MY ROCK.. HE ALWAYS TRIES TO BE SO STRONG. I ASK HIM YESTERDAY IS HE READY TO RUN. HE SAID NO!!!! I LOVE THAT MAN MORE THAN ANYTHING. THANK YOU GREG FOR BEING YOU AND FOR TAKING CARE OF US.. YOU HAVE SO MUCH ON YOU AND I DON'T KNOW IF I TELL YOU ENOUGH, BUT THANK YOU...
THE TURNER'S ARE GOING TO BE FINE. THE DEVIL BETTER BACK OFF MY FAMILY. LEAVE MY GIRLS ALONE. THIS IS ONE MOTHER HE DOESNT WANT TO GO UP AGAINST.. I WILL KICK HIS ASS!!!!! SORRY TO BE BLUNT, BUT BLUNT IS ME.. RIGHT NOW I AM LAYING IN BED WITH PYPER AND MY TRINS IS AT SCHOOL. YESTERDAY AFTER WE FOUND OUT ABOUT PYPER'S BLOOD SUGAR, ME BEING A CRAZY MOM, MADE HER SLEEP WITH ME. I WAS DOING SO GOOD, NOW HERE I GO BACKING UP. I PRAYED OVER HER, I PRAYED OVER HER THIS AM, AND HER BLOOD SUGAR WAS 101. THAT IS GOOD, BUT I AM STILL SO WORRIED. IS HER PANCREAS ALREADY BEING AFFECTED B/C THE CF. NO, IT ISNT. THIS MOM SAID NO...
THIS IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. THESE THREE PEOPLE IN THIS PICTURE. IF THEY ONLY NEW HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM. GOD, WATCH OVER THEM AND TAKE CARE OF THIS FAMILY. GOD IF WE NEED TO LOSE EVERYTHING WE HAVE OTHER THAN OUR HOUSE TO TAKE CARE OF THIS FAMILY. THEN SO BE IT.. GOD, I AM SUPPOSE TO BE AT HOME WITH MY GIRLS AND I AM SUPPOSE TO BE AT HOME TO TAKE CARE OF MY HUBBY. CARS, AND CREDIT CARDS, ETC. CAN ALL BE REPLACED BUT THESE 3 CAN NOT BE.. CREDIT CAN BE REBUILT. I TOLD GREG YESTERDAY, IF SOMETHING ELSE IS WRONG WITH ONE OF MY BABIES, I AM WALKING AWAY FROM IT ALL-MEANING DEBT. I TOLD HIM, OUR GIRLS COME FIRST.. HE AGREED.. I LOVE YOU GREG TURNER, AND TRINITY AND PYPER, I AM SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS. I LOVE YOU GIRLS MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. MY BABIES- TRINIBINI AND PNUT- YOU TWO AND YOUR DADDY MAKE ME COMPLETE. AS THE JERRY MCGUIRE MOVIE GOES- YOU COMPLETE ME!!!!!!
GOD, WE NEED TO TALK AGAIN. I KNOW YOU WANTED ME TO BE THESE GIRLS MOTHER. GOD, MY GIRLS ARE MY WORLD. THEY ARE THE LOVES OF MY LIFE. GOD, THEY SAY YOU DON'T GIVE ANYONE MORE THAN THEY CAN HANDLE. I CAN HANDLE A LOT. GIVE ME THE PROBLEMS, GIVE ME THE PNEUMONIA, THE BLOOD SUGAR OF 472, THE WORRIES, THE ENZYMES, ETC.ETC.ETC. I CAN DO IT. I KNOW MY TWO GIRLS ARE TOUGHER THAN NAILS. THESE TWO BABIES OF MINE ARE FIGHTERS. THEY GET IT HONEST B/C I AM THAT WAY. GOD, I NEED YOU. MY GIRLS NEED YOU, MY HUBBY NEEDS YOU.. WATCH OVER THIS FAMILY AND GOD MORE THAN ANYTHING, PLEASE GIVE THOSE THE WISDOM THEY NEED TO CURE THIS DISEASE--CF.....
HOW MANY OF YOU CAN SAY YOU HAVE AN UNBELIEVABLE HUSBAND. WE MAY ARGUE, FIGHT, SCREAM AT EACH OTHER FROM TIME TO TIME. I WATCHED MY HUBBY YESTERDAY AFTER THE DOCTOR CALLED ABOUT PYPER'S BLOOD SUGAR, PUT HIS HANDS OVER HIS FACE, AND I KNOW HE WAS PRAYING. WHEN I CHECKED HER SUGAR AT THAT TIME, IT WAS 262. HE GOT UP WALKED OUTSIDE AND TRINITY SAID HE LAYED ON THE PORCH AND CRIED. A GROWN MAN CRYING OVER HIS GIRLS. THAT MAN IS MY ROCK.. HE ALWAYS TRIES TO BE SO STRONG. I ASK HIM YESTERDAY IS HE READY TO RUN. HE SAID NO!!!! I LOVE THAT MAN MORE THAN ANYTHING. THANK YOU GREG FOR BEING YOU AND FOR TAKING CARE OF US.. YOU HAVE SO MUCH ON YOU AND I DON'T KNOW IF I TELL YOU ENOUGH, BUT THANK YOU...
THE TURNER'S ARE GOING TO BE FINE. THE DEVIL BETTER BACK OFF MY FAMILY. LEAVE MY GIRLS ALONE. THIS IS ONE MOTHER HE DOESNT WANT TO GO UP AGAINST.. I WILL KICK HIS ASS!!!!! SORRY TO BE BLUNT, BUT BLUNT IS ME.. RIGHT NOW I AM LAYING IN BED WITH PYPER AND MY TRINS IS AT SCHOOL. YESTERDAY AFTER WE FOUND OUT ABOUT PYPER'S BLOOD SUGAR, ME BEING A CRAZY MOM, MADE HER SLEEP WITH ME. I WAS DOING SO GOOD, NOW HERE I GO BACKING UP. I PRAYED OVER HER, I PRAYED OVER HER THIS AM, AND HER BLOOD SUGAR WAS 101. THAT IS GOOD, BUT I AM STILL SO WORRIED. IS HER PANCREAS ALREADY BEING AFFECTED B/C THE CF. NO, IT ISNT. THIS MOM SAID NO...
Sunday, May 1, 2011
DYING ON THE INSIDE
IT HAS BEEN AWHILE SINCE I HAVE BEEN ON HERE, BUT I NEED TO JUST TYPE AND TRY NOT TO CRY..
MY TRINITY ASK ME THIS MORNING, MOMMA AM I GOING TO DIE YOUNG. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO CHOKE TO DEATH, I CRIED AND GRABBED HER AND WE CRIED TOGETHER. I HAVE CRIED ALL DAY. THIS IS KILLING ME. MY BABY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT. THE REASON SHE ASK ME IS BECAUSE, YESTERDAY WE WENT TO A CF FUNDRAISER AND A 21 YEAR OLD GIRL SPOKE AND SHE SAID SOME STUFF THAT I DON'T DISCUSS WITH MY BABIES. MY BABY, MY BABY, WHY DOES SHE NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THIS.
MY HUSBAND CAME IN BEHIND ME IN THEIR ROOM AND HE JUST HUGGED ME. HE SAID YOU CAN'T DO THIS, OUR BABIES ARE FINE.. I SAID TO HIM EARLIER TODAY, GREG WHAT IF I LOSE MY BABIES. I CAN'T DO THIS. I TOLD HIM, GREG YOU WILL HAVE TO TAKE MY LIFE. HE SAID STOP.
GOD, PLEASE GOD, CURE MY BABIES. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DO IT. MY GIRLS ARE MY WORLD.. I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE NOT HEARING THEIR LITTLE VOICES, NOT SEEING THEIR LITTLE FACES, NOT HEARING THEM FIGHT.. I SHOULD NOT BE THINKING ABOUT ANY OF THIS.. MY BABIES SHOULD NOT BE WORRIED ABOUT THIS. WE WERE DOING SO GREAT AND THEN ONE THING MADE HER ASK ME THAT QUESTION.
TRINITY AND PYPER, IF YOU EVER READ THIS -- PLEASE KNOW I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH. YOU GIRLS ARE MY WORLD. I AM READY TO WALK AWAY FROM IT ALL TO BE ABLE TO STAY AT HOME WITH YOU GIRLS FOREVER. TODAY MADE ME REALIZE, I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU BOTH. I COULD CARELESS IF I EVER WORKED AGAIN. TAKING CARE OF BOTH OF YOU IS WHAT MATTERS THE MOST. I LOVE YOU TWO MORE THAN ANYTHING... YOU GIRLS ARE MY ROCK, YOU MAKE ME BREATHE...
FORGIVE ME FOR MY SADNESS. THIS IS ONLY GOING TO MAKE ME FIGHT HARDER FOR MY BABIES... I CAN DO THIS, I CAN DO THIS. JUST GIVING MYSELF ALITTLE PEP TALK..
OH MY GOD, MAKE IT GO AWAY.. THE PAIN IN MY HEART... TRINITY AND PYPER I AM SO SORRY I GAVE YOU THIS... WOULD I CHANGE IT, HELL NO.. I WOULDNT GIVE MY TWO LITTLE MONSTERS UP FOR NOTHING... DO I WISH YOU DIDNT HAVE IT, YES, BUT IF THAT MEANT NOT HAVING YOU, THEN NO WAY.. GOD DOESNT GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE.. GOD KNEW WHEN HE MADE ME YOUR MOTHER, HE KNEW I WOULD FIGHT AND I WOULD DIE FOR YOU BOTH... OMG, I LOVE U TWO WITH EVERY BREATH I BREATHE...
I AM DYING ON THE INSIDE
MARTIE TURNER
MY TRINITY ASK ME THIS MORNING, MOMMA AM I GOING TO DIE YOUNG. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO CHOKE TO DEATH, I CRIED AND GRABBED HER AND WE CRIED TOGETHER. I HAVE CRIED ALL DAY. THIS IS KILLING ME. MY BABY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT. THE REASON SHE ASK ME IS BECAUSE, YESTERDAY WE WENT TO A CF FUNDRAISER AND A 21 YEAR OLD GIRL SPOKE AND SHE SAID SOME STUFF THAT I DON'T DISCUSS WITH MY BABIES. MY BABY, MY BABY, WHY DOES SHE NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THIS.
MY HUSBAND CAME IN BEHIND ME IN THEIR ROOM AND HE JUST HUGGED ME. HE SAID YOU CAN'T DO THIS, OUR BABIES ARE FINE.. I SAID TO HIM EARLIER TODAY, GREG WHAT IF I LOSE MY BABIES. I CAN'T DO THIS. I TOLD HIM, GREG YOU WILL HAVE TO TAKE MY LIFE. HE SAID STOP.
GOD, PLEASE GOD, CURE MY BABIES. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DO IT. MY GIRLS ARE MY WORLD.. I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE NOT HEARING THEIR LITTLE VOICES, NOT SEEING THEIR LITTLE FACES, NOT HEARING THEM FIGHT.. I SHOULD NOT BE THINKING ABOUT ANY OF THIS.. MY BABIES SHOULD NOT BE WORRIED ABOUT THIS. WE WERE DOING SO GREAT AND THEN ONE THING MADE HER ASK ME THAT QUESTION.
TRINITY AND PYPER, IF YOU EVER READ THIS -- PLEASE KNOW I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH. YOU GIRLS ARE MY WORLD. I AM READY TO WALK AWAY FROM IT ALL TO BE ABLE TO STAY AT HOME WITH YOU GIRLS FOREVER. TODAY MADE ME REALIZE, I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU BOTH. I COULD CARELESS IF I EVER WORKED AGAIN. TAKING CARE OF BOTH OF YOU IS WHAT MATTERS THE MOST. I LOVE YOU TWO MORE THAN ANYTHING... YOU GIRLS ARE MY ROCK, YOU MAKE ME BREATHE...
FORGIVE ME FOR MY SADNESS. THIS IS ONLY GOING TO MAKE ME FIGHT HARDER FOR MY BABIES... I CAN DO THIS, I CAN DO THIS. JUST GIVING MYSELF ALITTLE PEP TALK..
OH MY GOD, MAKE IT GO AWAY.. THE PAIN IN MY HEART... TRINITY AND PYPER I AM SO SORRY I GAVE YOU THIS... WOULD I CHANGE IT, HELL NO.. I WOULDNT GIVE MY TWO LITTLE MONSTERS UP FOR NOTHING... DO I WISH YOU DIDNT HAVE IT, YES, BUT IF THAT MEANT NOT HAVING YOU, THEN NO WAY.. GOD DOESNT GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE.. GOD KNEW WHEN HE MADE ME YOUR MOTHER, HE KNEW I WOULD FIGHT AND I WOULD DIE FOR YOU BOTH... OMG, I LOVE U TWO WITH EVERY BREATH I BREATHE...
I AM DYING ON THE INSIDE
MARTIE TURNER
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)