love letter

Have you ever thought about why god picked you for this journey? Have you ever thought about what your life means to you, or your husband's life, or your children's lives?  I never think about me.  I only think about my girls and my husband.  I am ok with the saying: God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers because I know my kids are the definition of strength and fight.  Life is what you make it.  Life is a battle everyday whether you are healthy or you have a condition that makes breathing hard.  I see everyday as a miracle, a blessing, and a journey i don't want to miss.  I want my girls to see the world, I want them to experience all of life's blessings.  I want them to experience prom, graduation, driving, boyfriends, love, fear, college, marriage, and so much more.  I am on this journey to see that.  I am a mom to two of the most amazing little girls in the world.  I am the strength that pushes when my girls may not like it.  I am the mother who stays in the background, who cries behind closed doors, and who has so much in her heart for the 3 most important people in my life.
CF I am going to write you a love letter.

Dear CF,

I know you don't care about me the way I care about you. I know you want to hurt me and bring me to my knees. I know you are in love with both my girls lungs. I can't hate you because those lungs you mess with are my world. They are my life. CF you bring pain with you every time you show your ugly head. You bring tears, sadness, and madness. I watch my Pyper wheeze almost everyday and cry with me when I can't fix it. I try to hide in my room and keep it to myself but that little girl knows me as much as I understand her.
CF you take fun, you take sleep, you take stress to a whole new level. You give me anxiety attacks, panic attacks wake me when I sleep because I worry non stop. You are mean, you show no remorse, and you are only out to hurt. Guess what? I want let you. This love story I have with you is because my girls have you apart of them. So I will love you because you are apart of them but if I could get my hands around your neck, I would kill you and go to jail for the rest of my life. I would make you struggle, almost stop your breathing, cause you tears, and oxygen drops. I would hurt you because you hurt the two most important people in my life. Yep, I am that mom who would not shed one tear for you. I would look you straight in the face and blow you away with not an ounce of sadness. I have watched you take loved ones, watched you cause horrific pain, and watched you show no mercy to parents.  I want to cuss you and fight you and drop to my knees when I can't do it anymore but I see two little girls watching me and those two little hearts keep me being ok with you. God picked me because I am mean, I am quiet, but I am strength when nobody sees it. I want stop fighting you until a cure is found and my girls outlive me. I want stop fighting you until my girls are ok. I want stop fighting you until CF stands for cure found. So back off this love story because our love story is amazing with you and we want let you stop it. Our family of 4 rocks. My love story is my girls and whatever comes with them. My love story is strength, fight, and fun times with my girls. This love story is priceless!!! This love story is unbreakable. So CF you are here but we will see you gone. We will see you leave and never come back because god knows we need that cure and it will happen because giving up isn't an option.



Yours truly

A mom in love with her two CF fighters