TODAY HAS BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS WERE I FEEL CYSTIC FIBROSIS IS GETTING THE BEST OF ME.... TRINITY GOT HER PEG TUBE PLACED ON THE 7TH AND IS DOING GREAT WITH THE FEEDS AT NIGHT BUT NOW SHE IS NOT EATING A LOT DURING THE DAY. THE DOCTORS SAID DON'T PANIC, BUT ME BEING THE MOM, PANIC IS ALL I KNOW. SHE HAS ALSO DEVELOPED A NASTY COUGH SINCE LEAVING THE HOSPITAL. I AM FREAKING OUT. WE HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL AND BEING PUT IN TO DO HER TUBE PLACEMENT, HAS MADE ME CRAZY. WHAT GERM DID SHE CATCH WHILE IN THE HOSPITAL, WHY IS SHE COUGHING, IS SHE GOING TO GAIN WEIGHT?
CF HAS STARTED SHOWING ITS UGLY HEAD HERE IN THE LAST YEAR AND I CAN'T STAND IT. I TOOK TRINS TO SCHOOL TODAY AND WALKED IN WITH HER TO TALK TO THE TEACHER ABOUT HER TUBE AND WHEN I GOT BACK HOME, I JUST CRIED. I TOLD GREG I THOUGHT I KNEW WHY GOD HAS CHOSEN US. I THOUGHT HE CHOSE US TO BE THEIR PARENTS B/C WE ARE FIGHTERS AND WE WILL FIGHT TO TAKE CARE OF OUR GIRLS AND MAKE SURE THEY ARE GETTING EVERYTHING THEY NEED, BUT NOW I AM ASKING WHY? I ASK GREG ARE WE GOING TO WATCH OUR GIRLS SUFFOCATE TO DEATH AND NOT BE ABLE TO BREATHE B/C OF CF. TRINITY IS HAVING THE TOUGHEST TIME GETTING MUCOUS UP AND WATCHING HER GAG AND TRY TO GET IT UP IS KILLING ME. WHY???? WHY US????? WHY SHOULD ANY PARENT HAVE TO WATCH THEIR KIDS GO THROUGH THIS?
I KNOW ASKING WHY IS NOT SOMETHING I SHOULD DO.... I LOVE THE FACT THAT I HAVE MY GIRLS AND THEY ARE SUCH FIGHTERS BUT A PARENT SHOULDNT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT DEATH... I SHOULD BE ABLE TO ENJOY MY GIRLS AND NOT HAVE WORRIES. I KNOW EVERY PARENT HAS WORRIES BUT MY WORRIES ARE EATING AWAY AT ME. GREG ASK ME SOMETHING ONE DAY AND NOW I THINK ABOUT THAT ALL THE TIME. ARE WE GOING TO BE ALONE WHEN WE ARE OLD? SORRY TO BE A BUMMER AND MAKE PEOPLE SAD BUT THIS IS MY OUT....
MY GIRLS ARE MY LIFE.... I EAT, DRINK, SLEEP MY GIRLS. SLEEP WELL NOT SO MUCH. LOL. GOD I AM SORRY I AM ASKING WHY.... I KNOW MY GIRLS ARE WITH ME B/C WE AS A FAMILY ARE SO STRONG AND SUCH FIGHTERS... I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR THEM AND NEVER LEAVE THEIR SIDE. WATCHING YOUR BABIES HURT, OR SUFFER FROM SOMETHING THEY SHOULDNT HAVE TO IS HARD.
TRINITY AND PYPER IF YOU EVER READ THIS: KNOW I AM SORRY THAT U HURT, OR STRUGGLE IN ANYWAY. PLEASE KNOW THAT YOUR MOM WILL GIVE EVERYTHING SHE HAS FOR YOU TWO. THAT INCLUDES YOUR DADDY. HE FEELS THE SAME WAY I DO. WHATEVER IT TAKES, WE WILL DO.. I LOVE BOTH OF YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK AND AS WE ALWAYS SAY: TO INFINITY AND BEYOND. GOD DID GIVE ME YOU GIRLS FOR A REASON AND THAT REASON WAS B/C I WOULD FIGHT FOR YOU, AND LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY AND NEVER, I MEAN NEVER LEAVE YOUR SIDES. THANK YOU GOD FOR MY GIFTS. I KNOW I ASK WHY AND I AM SORRY. I KNOW YOU HAVE A LOT OF FAITH IN ME AND GREG BUT KNOW WE ARE NO WHERE NEAR AS STRONG AS YOU GIVE US CREDIT FOR. I AM SO STRONG ON THE OUTSIDE BUT DYING ON THE INSIDE FOR MY BABIES. STRESS DOESNT HAVE CRAP ON ME. WHEN I SAY WALK IN MY SHOES, LIVE WHAT I LIVE FOR ONE DAY, LIVE MY WORRIES...
TRINITY AND PYPER I AM BACK AND READY TO FIGHT SO MUCH MORE FOR YOU BOTH. I HAVE GOT IT OUT AND NOW CF I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS.... MY GIRLS ARE GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS... YOU WILL NOT TAKE THIS FAMILY, AND YOU WILL NOT BRING US DOWN. WE ARE 1!!!!!! 1 FAMILY, 1 UNIT, 1 TEAM READY TO BRING YOU TO YOUR KNEES. I GOT THIS GIRLS. MOMMA IS A CONTROL FREAK MANIAC, WHO WILL WIN THIS WAR AGAINST MYSELF IN MY HEAD, AND MOST DEFINETLY WIN THIS CF WAR FOR BOTH OF YOU.
MARTIE
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