Our lives have changed drastically over the last few weeks. Greg sent me a text one day and says he feels bad b/c the girls don't get to have normal lives...
That led this mother on a crazy journey with the girls. I waited for them to wake up and I ask them: Do you girls want to go back to school? Trinity said I do momma and Pyper said I want friends. So what does that leave this mother to do? It left me to get them ready and get them registered back in public school.
My heart broke but it also made me realize my girls are more than fighters, they are two of the sweetest, most loving, little girls who both have the biggest personalities ever. They are more social than most kids who have been thrown into daycare from day one. They are the light of my life.
I found me a prn job and my life has changed. I hate it. I don't lie. I just want to be the one who picks my girls up from school, and who sees them wave and smile when they see me waiting in line. I want to be that person. I want to be there for my girls. I am their mother. I am their biggest fan. I am complete with them. I have cried more in the last month, than I think I have ever cried. I miss them. I miss us.. I miss our times being together all day long. I miss my life. Greg keeps saying: I didn't tell you to go back to work. No he didn't but with medicine cost going up everytime I order, then what does that leave me to do? WORK!!!!!!!!
I want my life back, I want my heart back, I want it all but can't have it all. I want to be a mom. That is what I want.
Two weeks into school and Pyper is wheezing like crazy, Trinity has a cough, and greg keeps laughing at me b/c he knows he didn't tell me to go to work. I just want to break.. Break down b/c I need to work, break down b/c I want to be home, break down just b/c I need it. lol.
So the girls are loving school, and I am losing my damn mind. I am lost. I am not lazy but god knows my heart is with my girls. I want to be close incase they need me, I want to be just a minute away to get to them quick, I want to be there for football games, lunches, and just be there for whatever they need. I want to be a mom. Hello my name is Martie and I am a mom. Nothing more, nothing less... I am a mom who loves her girls more than anything. A mom who wants to watch them grow and a mom who wants to love them more than life itself. A MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
