The last week seems like it has been a bit crazy. Pyper's sugars are going up and down. The other night when it dropped so low, i was scared for her, scared for our family, scared that I was losing her. I watched my ten year old child grab my hand and say with tears streaming down her face, mom lets pray, and beg her daddy to call 911 because she was so scared. I held Pyper in my arms as she cried and was lifeless and jerked in my arms. It was like I had that moment were I seen our house without her and I was losing it. Trinity kept screaming, mommy I can't lose my sissy. I had no idea that she came in the livingroom when me and Greg were trying to get Pyper to eat something and she got on her knees and put her hands up and ask god to make her sissys sugar go up. When 911 got here she was finally starting to come around but once we got back in ambulance she started getting low again and he started an iv and she was good and back to my little Pyper. So full of life. Thank you god for getting Pyper better... I watched that Pnut go from lifeless to give me your phone mommy so I can send daddy a picture of my arm were the ambulance guy hurt me. Then she started texting her sissy and they were telling each other I love you. That touched my heart more than you will ever know. They fight a lot but I know the love they have for one another is unbreakable. I know that Trinity loves her sissy more than words could ever say b/c I seen it in her face. I seen her fear, I seen through her and she could see through me. We both seen fear in our eyes. Greg stayed calm and said Martie I have dealt with you and your sugars for years, I got this. Well Me and Trins didn't let him get it.. We freaked out. Staying calm when its your child is not a strong suit for me. We wanted help right then.. Waiting I don't do well. My Pyper is fine now. Still causing Trinity and Me to freak out with her sugars. A lot of finger pokes... Scary: YES!!!!!!!!!
My Trinity is just as amazing as Pyper. She is my right hand. She is me other than looking like her daddy. She worries about everything. She is scared for her sister. She is a little momma hen and I love that. She will tell her daddy in a minute, you are not doing this or that. Yep, thats my baby. lol. Greg doesn't have a chance when it comes to us 3 women. Trinity has gone back to not eating a lot and I can't stand that. I want her to eat. I don't want her to live off of feeds at night. She want eat anything. I could offer her any fast food place and nope. I don't want it. It scares me for her. She is not losing weight, b/c of all the night feeds but I just want her to be like us and want to eat.
Right now we are still homebound. I don't know if I will let that change for this year. We seem to be doing good and they are staying healthy it seems. Thank god. Home schooling is next for us, I have a feeling. With Pyper and her sugars and asthma and cf, I just feel I need to keep my hands on her and with Trinity and the last bacteria she grew which is gone but I don't want to take any chances. I want to let them see the world but I am so scared. I want to keep them with me forever and really what is wrong with that. A lot of parents don't have what I have. They go to work, they send their kids to school, the parents go and do this and that.. I'm not saying that is bad, but I love us all being together. I go to the gym for 1 hour one day a week with Greg. That is my out. I am sad when I am gone that long. I don't like leaving them. I got it bad. I know. Trust me when I was pregnant, I said oh i am going to work, they are going to daycare, I am not breastfeeding. Boy, what a difference.. Once I seen Trinity, I was gone. The old Martie left and a mom entered. A crazy mom sometimes, but a mom took over. I fell in love with both my girls and leaving them was not something I could do. My heart melted seeing them.
GG is doing good. He is working his new route and getting home later so that makes me sad but he is a great daddy. He Has a lot on him and he always keeps going. Sometimes, I feel he is the one who is worried and he keeps it in. I tell him everything. I tell him my fears, I cry to him. A man keeps their stuff in and don't let it out. Boy, not me. lol. I love my family so much. They drive me bat crap crazy somedays and that is ok b/c that is what they are suppose to do. Thank you god for my beautiful family. I love them more than life itself. I love you gg, trins, and pnut. You three make my heart melt everyday. I fall more and more in love with all of you every single day. A mommas love is unconditional. Thank you god for my blessings. They are amazing.
Mommas LOVE,
Martie
