HOW ONE TOOTH CAN MEAN SO MUCH!!!

SITTING IN THE LIVING ROOM WATCHING TV, WHILE MY LITTLE MONSTERS SLEEP.  WELL MY BIG GIRL TRINITY LOST A TOOTH AND SHE WAS SO EXCITED.  HOW ONE TOOTH CAN MEAN SO MUCH, AND IT MADE ME THINK, ONE TOOTH MEANS THAT MUCH TO HER BUT SHE DOESNT EVEN REALIZE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO ME.  I REMEMBER SHE SAT UP IN BED AROUND 1AM AND SAID MOMMY MY TOOTH IS STILL HERE I SAID BABY THE TOOTH FAIRY HASNT COME YET AND SHE WENT BACK TO BED.  THE FUNNY THING IS, WHEN I FINALLY GOT UP TO DO IT, I COULDNT GET THE TOOTH OUT FROM UNDER HER PILLOW.  HOW FUNNY.  AFTER A COUPLE OF HOURS, THE GOOD TOOTH FAIRY DID HER JOB.  THE SMILE ON HER FACE, NOW TOOTHLESS WAS PRICELESS.  IT IS SO WEIRD HOW CF AFFECTS THEM.  THEY LOSE THERE TEETH LATER, THEY DONT GAIN WEIGHT, THEY CAN EAT ALL DAY LONG AND NEVER GAIN A POUND, HOW A LITTLE COLD CAN TURN INTO PNEUMONIA IN LESS THAN A DAY, HOW THEY TASTE SALTY,  ETC. 
ALL I AM ASKING IS FOR GOD TO MAKE MY BABIES BETTER.  TAKE ME DEAR LORD, TAKE WHATEVER YOU NEED FROM ME TO MAKE THEM BETTER, I AM READY.  I CANT IMAGINE NOT BEING HERE WITH THEM, BUT THEN AGAIN, I CANT EVEN IMAGINE, OR BREATHE NOT THINKING ABOUT THEM BEING RIGHT HERE WITH ME.  IT IS CRAZY.  I STRESS OUT SO MUCH WHEN MY OLDEST GETS OUT OF THE CAR TO WALK IN SCHOOL, IS SHE GETTING TO WERE SHE NEEDS TO GO, IS SHE OK, IS SHE UPSET.  I DONT EVEN LIKE TO LET THEM GO TO THERE GRANDPARENTS HOUSE, B/C I DONT KNOW HOW TO ACT WHEN THEY ARE GONE.  MY HUSBAND SAYS I AM LOST WITHOUT THEM.  HE IS SO RIGHT, I AM LOST.. THEY DRIVE ME ABSOLUTELY CRAZY, BUT GUESS WHAT- I CANT GET ENOUGHT OF THOSE TWO LITTLE MONSTERS.  MY YOUNGEST PYPER IS WHAT YOU WOULD CALL A STRONG WILLED CHILD.  SHE WILL BEAT HER HEAD, SHE WILL STARE YOU DOWN AND NOT BLINK WHEN YOU TELL HER NO, SHE IS MY LITTLE MONSTER BUT WHEN SHE IS WITH ME BY HERSELF, SHE IS THE BEST BABY EVER.  PEOPLE ASK ME, DO YOUR KIDS NO THEY HAVE CF, YES THEY DO.  WHY WOULD I KEEP THAT FROM THEM. 
AS I AM WRITING THIS I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW, THAT LOVE YOUR BABIES LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW.   GIVE THEM YOUR ATTENTION.  BUYING THEM SOMETHING ISNT REALLY WHAT THEY WANT AT ALL, THEY JUST WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO THEM, PLAY WITH THEM AND BE THERE FOR THEM.  BEING A MOM IS WHAT I DO BEST, AND TAKING CARE OF MY TWO IS WHAT I AM GOING TO DO UNTIL THE DAY GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS WORLD. 
DEAR GOD, TAKE CARE OF MY BABIES AND PLEASE CURE CYSTIC FIBROSIS, (65 ROSES), THAT IS ALL I WANT, KEEP MY BABIES HEALTHY. 
MARTIE

WHY US, WHY MY GIRLS

why us, why my girls




DO YOU EVER WONDER WHY ME, WHY MY FAMILY, WHY MY GIRLS. I SIT AND LOOK SOMETIMES AT ALL THE FAMILIES OUT THERE WHO HAVE IT SO EASY, AND IT MAKES ME MAD, AND IT SHOULDNT, BUT IT DOES. MY GIRLS DESERVE TO BE HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND TO BE ABLE TO GET UP AND NOT HAVE TO DO ENZYMES, NEBULIZERS, VEST THERAPY, VITAMINS. I AM ONE MOTHER WHO IS FIGHTING FOR HER DAUGHTERS LIVES SO THEY CAN LIVE, AND BREATHE EASY. I THINK BACK AND REMEMBER THE DAY WE WERE GIVEN THE NEWS OF MY OLDEST DAUGHTER HAVING CF. I FELT LOST, AND SO ALONE. I WAS HOLDING HER IN MY ARMS AND SHE WAS SO LITTLE BECAUSE SHE WASNT GAINING WEIGHT, AND I FELT LIKE I WANTED TO DIE. MY HUSBAND ON THE OTHER HAND SHUT DOWN, HE DIDNT TALK, HE JUST SAT AND LISTENED TO WHAT THE DOCTORS HAD TO SAY. THE OTHER DAY, MY HUSBAND WAS ON THE COMPUTER AND HE DIDNT SHUT DOWN A PAGE HE HAD LOOKED AT AND I PULLED IT UP AND HE WAS LOOKING AT LIFE EXPECTANCY OF CF AND DIABETES, B/C I HAVE DIABETES, AND MY HEART BROKE. TEARS CAME ROLLING DOWN MY FACE WHEN I ASK HIM, AND HE SAID MARTIE I WAS JUST LOOKING. HE TOLD ME ONE DAY THAT HE DIDNT WANT TO BE ALONE WHEN HE GETS OLD, WITHOUT US. MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER WAS TESTED FOR CF WHEN SHE WAS BORN, THEY TESTED HER CORD BLOOD, AND WE FOUND OUT WHEN SHE WAS 6 DAYS OLD. I WAS UPSET BUT SOMETHING HAD TOLD ME FROM THE DAY I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT THAT THIS BABY HAD IT TO. I HAVE THE HARDEST TIME NOT BLAMING MYSELF. MY GIRLS RIGHT NOW ARE 8 AND 3. THEY ARE MY WORLD. WE FIGHT CF, AND I AM A BIT OF A GERMAPHOBE NOW SO I TRY TO KEEP THEM AWAY FROM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. I BET A LOT OF YOU DONT PANIC WHEN YOU HEAR A COUGH FROM SOMEONE AROUND YOU, WELL I DO. WHAT IF THAT PERSON HAS SOMETHING MY GIRLS CANT FIGHT OFF. I NEVER REALIZED THAT A COUGH COULD SCARE ME SO MUCH, AND IT DOES. NOW I DONT ASK WHY ME, WHY MY GIRLS, I JUST TAKE CARE OF THEM, THIS IS MY JOB, MY DUTY AS A MOTHER AND I WANT LET MY BABIES DOWN. WHATEVER I HAVE TO DO FOR THEM, I WILL. TO TRINITY AND PYPER IF YOU ONLY NEW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU TWO SO MUCH. YOU GUYS ARE THE REASON I BREATHE. YOU TWO ARE MY ROCK ALONG WITH MY HUBBY. SO I NO LONGER ASK WHY B/C MY BABIES MAKE ME FEEL COMPLETE. WE ARE NORMAL, I AM JUST A MOM DOING EVERYTHING I CAN TO TAKE CARE OF MY BABIES.



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